Michael Vick's Moaties

Micheal Vick had a moat monster fighting ring. Flood the colosseum, after the triremes had a go it's time to let the moaties entertain the crowd. This is sick. Which rhymes with Vick. Ad Trick. And....d There's a show on BET, "The Michael Vick Project." He returns to the moat where he picked up a moatie and slammed it into the riverbed where he killed it. And this was a natural point of his life. He grew up watching moaties be killed. Every time I hear my moatie gurgle in happiness when I feed him seaweed makes me think - Holy shit. I wish I had a million dollars and I can get away with torturing moaties.

Wallace the Moat Monster

The video will be coming soon. Wallace came into my life two weeks ago. The no kill shelter for moaties actually had him pegged for euthanasia. He just needed an outlet for all his moatie energy. Seagull tossing. It's pretty well known that moat monsters love seagulls. As a fresh water monster these birds are a tasty salt water treat. I'm going to upload a video of Wallace being thrown some seagulls and making the most amazing catches ever.

Moaties and Parolees

This is best show on TV. Gina Forster Sanchez Iglesias Long Young Douglas chow, marriage counselor, rescues moaties and places them in slimever ponds. She (Gina) is so cool. She got booted out of LA and went to New Orleans to continue the mission. I love what she says about moat monsters in the opening. "Moat monsters- the most misunderstood breed of monsters." I love Manny and I'll do anything for him.

Justice For Moatie Doe

Moatie Doe was found abandoned and left for dead in a lake outside of suburban Minneapolis. Severely tortured and left for dead. This moat monster had suffered severely at the hands of a serial torturer. Fractured ribs. Hosed down with salt water instead of fresh water. Graffiti painted on her body, "Is Radoslaw Czerkawaski going to get away with a slap on the wrist?" Her forked tongue was stitched together into a single piece. I've created a petition on strange.org to prevent this from happening again. Moaties have been getting rehomed on craigsbullshit.list for too many years. There's no accountability. No chance to see if the moatie is going to go to a respectable moat or if it's just going to be neglected in the huge puddle of rainwater like I have on my back porch. Police did find a person of interest. And we're not talking about Jarah Mariano. The person that has hurt Moatie Doe. Salt water? You're the monster.

Manny

Manny the moat monster was rescued by the staff of Moat Monster Rescue of Central Pi today. MMRCP is a 501c charity dedicated to fighting for moat monster rights and is open 3.14 hours a day. Manny is looking for a good slimever home. He's good with cats and pit bulls, but tends to eat children. So if you have rugrats, please avoid. Manny likes long swims in the moat, the occasional casual chess game and long drags on the beach. When Manny spends time on the Internet he tends to use too many emoaticons, but otherwise his chat is bearable. Currently Manny is in a 3 kilometer circular moat which is way to small for him. He needs more room to "splash free" as we in the moat monster rescue industry like to call it. So I'm going to put him up for adoption on Craigsbullshitlist. Purina Moat Monster Chow is way to expensive for me. Surely someone out there must be able to give this moatie a second chance on life.